oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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