I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
