Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
