She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
