I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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