I must be too annoying 4 u.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
