I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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