My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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