Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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