Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
it's like iHOP with fire
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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