You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
