Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
