Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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