The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
