Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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