First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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