I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
