I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
