Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
