Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
