had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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