Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Less talking, more tequila
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Randomize
