im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
