You work out of a Hotel?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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