Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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