Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
