i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
