I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I won't apologize to a one balled man
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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