I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
