Where did you get a picture of my penis
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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