What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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