Are we in a gay sports bar?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
