I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
