If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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