He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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