Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
