The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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