I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
