Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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