I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
