I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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