How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
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