I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
