the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
