I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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