apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
