I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I came so hard my ears popped.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
