I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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