His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
