in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
